Sharing is Caring … Right?

When I sit down, I do think about what I would want to read if I were you. Would I want to hear about the writer and her issues at hand or would it be best to talk about what is going on with what is out there in the world?  Like I wrote about Human Trafficking vs. Do I speak about being married to a man that was in the closet and abusive because he hated being married to a woman?  It is a toss-up I say because I do not want to talk all about me and not about other issues that need to be address too. 

I have been getting a lot of Ford readers and fed back with some issues with questions. I want to thank you for trusting me enough to talk with me about them. Thank you for your words of the encouragement too, so I think it is only fair that because all of you have shared it is the time that I shared one with you. So you understand that you are not alone in this crazy world.

You know that movie Purple People Eater or the song. You know the song, one horn flying well that is what I felt like. Maybe I should go back just a bit. I am from a small town and well Sex stores are not in walking distance to say. Now up north you can look left, you can look right do a shuffle and bam your there. Now I have already gone through the letters, the emails, the soft swingers were yours just in the same room, you name it we did it. I was doing whatever I could to save the marriage at this point.

My lovely Ex had this way to pop these surprise sex things on me. Oh no, I knew I was going, but I thought I would be going in for some lube thing. OH no, we were not just going in for lube. I am walking around and looking at all the girly stuff. Being me, oh there is pinks and purples. Look oh, it smells good and oh wow look how it matches skin tones. Wow, it matches mine, and wow it as tall as me! I am 4”11, now how in the world and next thing I know I am lead to this section.  I am looking at a wall of loads of strap on’s, and he states what color do I want. There was Pink, Purple, and Blue. Now at this point colors are not so important now and how girly things are. At this point, I thought he wanted to use it on me, and I go are you going to use this with yours being in the way? That is when we both realized we were not on the same page. Then it was well babe I was hoping that we could try something different. I was thinking oh hell, I am just glad it was not going to my cute bottom.  Then it was who is wearing it, me? Why me, I am the girl? I do not know what to do. Then I am like damn, I  panic; then I had a panic attack in the Purple Dildo Section of a Sex Store. He thought I was getting turned on.  He picked out the color, purple. Then it was on to the size.  What size to get, oh this is the real part.  So yes the conversation went in depth on well I do not want it bigger than mine.

So at this point my Ex wanted me to one Be the man during Sex, and not have more significant Unit then him and let’s not forget it was purple. So this seems more of an issue, this was omg what am I going to do this was how fast can I leave and how.  It took some time for me to leave and prepare and have help, and I mean the proper help.  Sometimes it does take that, and that is okay too and nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed. Trust me I know what pride is and how it messes with your head. Sometimes you have to put that aside but I promise you get that back once you leave. You get all those feeling back once you leave. Leaving is the first step of healing the right way then you deal with the next steps that come with but it takes time.

You keep going until you hit the brick wall. Mine I had to schedule when I moved back home when I knew it was safe to do so.  I do believe if you are going through something hard, and you feel like you are in a corner there are ways out. Maybe you are not seeing them; maybe you need a 3^rd person looking at it for you in a different light to help. I feel that sometimes two brains are better than one, and sometimes change is hard. So you do not have to do this alone. There are groups; there are places that can help you and your pack. I promise I have been there, I went from having whatever I wanted to look we have to watch everything we have to spend because we do not have the money.  

It is funny how life can go from Riches to not so rich. I felt that my children did learn some paramount life lessons and will become Alive by us leaving him. I am sure my ex can roll his eye in the back of his head and making countless Match account. Just FYI my personal feeling I must say so it is so stupid and wasteful portal space you mean person to make fake accounts. That could be someone's profile to find someone’s true love.  I feel it is a shame that people have to go to such extremes to be weird or cause sadness in their heads. For unnecessary reasons when instead of moving on and changing things in your life for the good.

What I suggest if your going through or need someone to speak with there are places. If you need help and need someone that has been there and done that T-shirt and want someone to talk to there is me. I will talk to, I will find you the help. When it comes to doing research, deep down looking and investigations it what I do best. Trust me! If there is a way I will assist in any way possible, I know what it feels like when you feel like there are no doors open to you. I promise I will help you find the open door that are open ones!

Much Love and Smooches,

Sabrina Ford